


Let Go

by earlygraves



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-05-27 07:21:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15019559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlygraves/pseuds/earlygraves
Summary: It had been 2 months since Jughead broke up with her that night in the parking lot





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> *warning: this fic contains topics like suicide, if that is a trigger for you, don't read!!!*
> 
> most of this shit is either major cringe or makes no fucking sense. it's 3am and i wrote this in one go so here it is

It had been 2 months since Jughead broke up with her that night in the parking lot.   
  
She had seen him that morning at Pops with Toni, after the Black Hood drama. And when the schools merged, she would always duck away or avoid eye contact every time she saw them laughing and talking in the halls. Seeing them together made her feel queasy. Then the rumors started going around.   
  
_ Did you hear? Jughead and the pink haired serpent hooked up last night! _   
  
The first time she heard it her heart stopped, and she felt like she was gonna vomit. As she rushed to the bathroom she fought the urge to dig her fingernails into her palms and feel the sharp sting that she had become so familiar with. Kevin asked around and tried to see if it was true, but it seemed no one really knew for a fact.   
  
_ Good _ she thought.  _ That means there's a chance it didn't happen, right? _   
  
But when she saw them holding hands at Pop’s one afternoon after school a part of her died inside.   
  
Another month had passed and nothing Betty did could get her out of this dark place. Kissing Archie didn't make her feel better. Neither did finding Chic, or doing those webcamming sessions. In fact, one could say her life had only gotten worse. The Black Hood had returned, her brother murdered a man, her mother was helping him cover it up, and Hal had moved out.   
  
Veronica and Archie were too busy with Hiram Lodge drama to even spare a glance in her direction. She would’ve offered to help, but lately she didn't have the energy to do anything. Her ponytail had been gone for a while now. Nowadays her hair was often down in a mess of blonde knots and tangles, which she had tried to tame with a brush, but failed miserably.   
  
"Get out of the house!" Alice would tell her. "I haven't seen you go anywhere in months. Where are Veronica and Archie? Go out and have fun!"   
  
She would only nod stiffly and grab her phone before walking out the door. Maybe her mom was right. Maybe all Betty needed was a walk to clear her head.    
  
It seemed like she had walked for hours. She eventually ended up by the river’s edge. She took a seat on the neatly cut grass and stared into the water. Cheryl's suicide attempt came drifting back to her, and she smiled weakly at the memory.    
  
_ Not such a bad way to go _   
  
The more she looked at it, the more intrigued she became. The water looked so tempting now, as if it was beckoning her to dive in and submit to its depths. She got up and started walking closer and closer, until the water reached her knees.   
  
Her phone went off before she could go further. She took it out and checked the screen. It was Alice, telling her to come back home as soon as possible. Sounded urgent. Betty sighed and began her journey home, wondering how she would explain her soaked clothing to her mother.   
  
They found the car. Of course they did. How could she have thought that nobody would come across it in that lake? The feeling of failure washed over her. She had only disappointed one more person.   
  
The next day at school, when Kevin came rushing in to tell them about a dead body his dad found, Betty felt the same thing from the day she heard the rumors about Jughead and Toni. Only this time, she couldn't hold down the vomit as she rushed to the nearest restroom. Cheryl was kind to her, offering to get someone, and Betty had to admit it felt good to know someone genuinely cared for you.   
  


_ Hal has been sleeping with mother for weeks. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I thought you deserved to know _   
  
Yet another man in her life that had so carelessly hurt her. Sure, her mom and dad weren't talking at the moment, but they were still together. How could he do this to her? To their family?   
  
_ She didn't care about you, she pitied you _   
  
She spent the entire walk home planning how she would tell Alice. She considered keeping it a secret, in hopes that maybe their family will come back together, but in the end she decided that she had a right to know. 

 

When Betty gathered the courage to say what she had to say, her mother pretended not to care. As if having your husband cheat on you didn't hurt. She just thanked Betty for telling her, and did what she does best: pretended everything was fine. But that night, before going to bed, Betty could hear the muffled cries coming from her mother's bedroom. She knocked softly on the door.   
  
"Mom? Are you okay?"   
  
She entered and saw her laying down, shoulders shaking while she cried. Betty climbed on the bed and hugged her, both crying themselves to sleep.   
  
Another week had passed and ever since her day at the river, she couldn't stop thinking about the idea of making it all go away. How would she do it? Pills? A razor blade? Bullet to the head? The promise of release from the things she was feeling put her at such ease, and she found herself often fantasizing about it. Could she really do this?  _ Yes, I can. _ She thought about her mother, about how much pain she was already in, but she brushed away the thought and reminded herself that she still had Polly and Chic.    
  
It was obviously a huge decision, so she really contemplated for a good while. She made a pros and cons list, named reasons to keep going, and thought about her friends and family. In the end, the “do it” side always won.

  
First she decided on a method. She considered a razor blade for a while, but decided she’d prefer if it wasn’t too messy. Finally she figured pills would do the job. Then she began taking care of loose ends. She returned her River Vixen uniform to Cheryl before school, telling her she was too busy with the Blue and Gold, and she handed over the Blue and Gold to Kevin, saying she was just too busy with the Vixens. After cleaning out her locker and turning in some assignments, she thought of what else she needed to do. Surely there was more to her than cheerleading and school newspapers. Turns out that was it. The letters were written, the pills waiting at home. Everything seemed to be ready. She glanced over at Veronica, Archie, and Kevin, who were chatting by Kevin's locker.   
  
Were you supposed to say goodbye in person? She bit her lip, what would she even say? No. personal goodbyes seemed too hard. Plus, she wouldn’t want them being suspicious of her. She couldn’t risk someone getting in the way of her plans. She quickly made her way to the front door. Looking around, she took a moment to admire her surroundings. Sure, school wasn't always great, but it did hold some special memories like working on the Blue and Gold with Jughead after school, or laughing in the halls with Veronica and Kevin. Her business here was done though. She grabbed her backpack and walked out without looking back.   
  
_ What does one do on their last day on Earth? _ she wondered.   
  
Betty wandered around, making sure to keep an eye out for Alice's car. She decided to go to the Bijou and watch some movies for the last time. None of her favorites were playing, but she stayed regardless.   
  
She got home at around 6. Mom was still at the Register, and Chic was at a job interview, so she had the house to herself. It seemed like the perfect opportunity.   
  
_ It's now or never _   
  
She headed upstairs, stacked the letters in a neat pile by her desk, and did some last minute cleaning in her room. She had around 50 pills, give or take. A big mix of things she found in Hal's medicine cabinet. Betty took a moment to cry before swallowing the first one. After that everything was a blur. Before she knew it they were all gone. She took a shaky breath and leaned back to lie down on her bed.   
  
The reality of the situation started to catch up with her and she began to panic, contemplating rushing to the toilet and sticking her fingers down her throat before it was too late. She took deep breaths and clenched her fists, willing herself to relax.   
  
_ No more Black Hoods, no more cheating dads, or manipulative brothers, or boys who don't love you back. No more pain _   
  
Sometimes it's better to let go 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chapter finally finished! this was a bit rushed (even though it took me like a month to update lol) but here it is. kind of garbage, but hopefully it isn't too painful to read. enjoy!

A piercing scream woke Archie from his sleep. He sat up quickly, adrenaline coursing through his veins. He heard it again, louder this time. They were coming from next door. He threw on some clothes as quick as he could and bolted outside towards the Cooper house. The front door was locked. He pounded on it in hopes someone would answer.

 

“Betty? Mrs. Cooper? What’s going on? Is everything alright?” He shouted.

 

There was no answer, only more cries coming from inside the house. He took a step back and used all his strength to kick the door. It flung open with a loud crack and he dashed inside, following the noise and heading upstairs.

 

The moment he saw her all the breath from his body seemed to have been knocked out of him. Her cheeks were pale and tear stained and her lips were dry and chapped. Alice was holding her, body shaking violently due to her sobbing. 

 

“What happened? What happened! Is she okay? Please tell me she’s okay.” Archie questioned 

 

“I-I don’t know, I just found her like this. She tried to hurt herself. I’m so stupid. How could I not have noticed? It’s all my fault” She cried, voice cracking throughout the sentences.

 

“Oh my god, Mrs. Cooper, we need to get help. She needs to go to the hospital right away.”

 

“I already called an ambulance. They’re on their way.”

 

Archie pulled out his phone and started to dial Veronica’s number, tears making his vision blurry. 

 

“Veronica, oh god. You have to meet me in the hospital. Betty, she-she’s hurt. We think she tried to overdose. Just hurry, please. And call Jughead.” He ignored the frazzled screaming on the other line and hung up, he didn’t have time to explain all the details. Archie got on the pink bed and held Betty’s hand in a tight grip. He shuddered at how cold she felt. This was his best friend since he was 5. The kind and caring girl-next-door who always found it in her heart to forgive and help other people. She gave second chances, she never judged. She was the only ray of sunshine in the gloomy town that is Riverdale. And now she could be gone, letting the darkness take over.

 

Sirens and flashes of red and blue through the window pulled him out of his thoughts. He rushed downstairs to greet the paramedics running towards the front door.

 

“She’s upstairs, you have to help her, please.” He begged. They nodded and headed towards her, both carrying a gurney.

 

The ride to the hospital had him anxious and scared. He and Mrs. Cooper held hands as she whispered a prayer under her breath. He decided to check on Veronica and Jughead, since they were most likely already there. He pulled out his phone with shaky hands and unlocked it. He had a dozens of messages from Veronica, mostly asking for updates, details, and where he was. They had practically already arrived, so he pocketed his phone once more and followed the paramedics inside.

 

Betty was pronounced dead at 2:07am. Archie was haunted by Alice’s cries when the doctor came and informed her. It sounded as if she was being killed. It was terrifying. Veronica clung onto him and started sobbing, tears staining his t-shirt immediately. The both held each other as they wept for the loss of their best friend.

 

Jughead didn’t seem to have the same reaction as them. No tears or screams. He didn’t say anything, or even move. He just sat there, staring at the wall, all the blood drained from his face. His eyes seemed lifeless. Almost like Betty’s. He just got up, muttered a quick “I have to go” and ran out of the hospital. Archie felt like he should’ve gone after him, but he knew that Jughead wanted to be alone. So as he heard his motorcycle start up in the parking lot, he just held Veronica tighter and cried.

 

He couldn’t breathe. His lungs were struggling for air and his throat felt tight. The moment he stepped foot out of the hospital the tears in his eyes had fallen in hot streams down his face. His hands couldn’t stop shaking. His knees were weak. Everything was just,  _ wrong _ . Nothing felt real, it couldn’t be. He didn’t want it to be. He was pretty sure the entire trailer park heard his cries that day. As soon as he had reached the trailer he had snapped. Furniture was strewn everywhere, mirrors and picture frames were shattered. FP walked in during all of it. He had gotten a call from Alice that morning and she told him everything. He gently pulled Jughead towards him and held him for a long time while he cried into his chest.

 

“It’s okay. Let it all out Jug.” he whispered.

 

* * *

 

Almost the entire town went to her funeral. Even people who were merely acquaintances wept as the coffin was slowly lowered to the ground. Jughead was pretty sure he even saw Sweet Pea shed a tear. The girl he loved was now lying 6 feet deep in the ground. It all felt surreal. As if he would wake up any minute now and find himself in bed with Betty by his side sleeping peacefully. But it wasn’t a dream. This was the reality he was doomed to live in for the rest of his life. The realization sent chills down his spine.

 

Alice had approached him afterwards. Her hair was up in a messy bun and she looked tired and fragile. Her picture-perfect image was long gone now. She smiled weakly at him.

 

“Jughead. Thank you so much for coming. I-I wanted to give you something.”

 

She took out a white envelope from her coat and handed it to him. His name was written neatly in the front. His heart ached when he recognized it as Betty’s handwriting.

 

“Betty left some letters. She wanted them to be delivered to everyone, so here is yours. I would have given them to you earlier but, they were in her room, and I hadn’t gone in there since..the accident.”

 

He examined it in his hands, as if it was a treasure. He looked up at her and smiled.

 

“Thank you, Mrs. Cooper.” he replied. She nodded and walked off to another group of people. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, that he hurt her and perhaps that was the reason she did what she did. But he didn’t know how. Some things are better left unsaid.

 

When he got home he sat on his bed and stared at the crisp white envelope in his hands. He wanted to tear it open and see what she wrote, but another part of him was also afraid of what might be inside. He took a deep breath and opened it.

 

_ Juggie, _

 

_ You were my first and last love. You were my best friend, my partner in crime. My soulmate. I can’t express how grateful I am to have had you in my life. I know things didn’t end well between us, but I want you to know that I meant what I said at the drag race. I will always love you, no matter what. You’re probably angry with me right now, or maybe you don’t care, I have no way of knowing, but I didn’t do this to hurt anyone, or as some impulsive decision. In these moments before my passing, I have felt more at peace than I have ever felt in my entire life. It wasn’t your fault, or anyone’s fault. These past few months have been...rough. Nothing seems to matter anymore. School, friends, family. None of it. I feel so numb. Everything around me seems to be falling apart and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I keep disappointing people I love. I feel useless. And I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and I’ve decided that the world is better off without me. _

 

He didn’t read any further. It hurt too much. It didn’t matter what she said. It was his fault. He broke her heart, he pushed her away, he hooked up with Toni with no regard towards her feelings. He was an asshole. He tossed the letter aside and cried, clutching his knees to his chest.

 

* * *

 

The next few months were hard. He thought about her every single day. His still felt sick every time he saw her picture or someone mentioned her name. He and Kevin had become close, much to his surprise. Jughead had walked in on him crying in the restroom at school one day and they had hugged, both crying and clutching onto each other. Since then, they had both turned to each other for comfort. Slowly becoming friends.

 

Things slowly got better. He didn’t cry everyday anymore. He found himself working on his novel once more and running The Blue and Gold with Kevin. He made sarcastic jokes again and played video games with Archie. It was just like before. Well, not exactly, but it was better than the last month where he couldn’t even leave his trailer.

One afternoon, he, Kevin, Archie, and Veronica were all out at Pop’s eating burgers and drinking milkshakes. Things felt normal. They were laughing and having fun. He knew they were all still hurting, but during the last couple months, they had helped each other through hard times. The sun was beginning to set, the neon lights washed over their booth, and everyone was laughing at something Archie had just said. And in that moment, sitting there with them, for the first time in a long time he felt like everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! feel free to leave a comment, and add me on tumblr (if you want) @earlygravess


End file.
